Months After the Honey Moon ( Continued)

 
In my last blog on 'Months After the Honey Moon', we concluded that something needs to happen fast. A corrective measure needs to be put in place as it pertains to issues that cause exhaustion and diminish sexual drive in either of the couples for longer than necessary. We will handle that, but not before taking the 3rd point that may cause enstragnement in sexual relationship.

Lack of understanding of moods and mode:
Many times, the man is in the mood but the mode with which he goes about might be wrong. Most men being visual in nature see their wives as sex objects; they believe she is there for sex whenever it is needed. But on the other side, the woman does not understand why he should always be in the mood without undrstanding the mode. The woman by nature wants to be wooed, spoken to gently and carressed before she gets into the same mood as the man. However most men do not understand this aspect, because as far as they are concerned, she is there for him anytime. That is correct but there is a way to go about it. Just like the car is there for you all the time, but there is a way to handle it so that it can respond to you all the time. This lack of response from the wife at all times can cause 'rape' in marriage and has also driven some men to go and look for a girl, pay for it and get what they want. But this is likely because they have not been able to understand how to get the cooperation of their wives at all times. The girl outside is committed to the man's money but not to the man, while the wife is committed to the man.
Little gestures can prepare the spouse for the sexual relationship. But if these are not taken into consideration, the big picture becomes marred and everything becomes blurred and fussy.I once heard the story of a lovely woman who had a midnight fight with her husband over sex; yelling at the husband that 'she is not a dog' while the husband was retorting that she must succumb! The woman had gone out early to work but met a terrible tarffic on her way coming home at the close of work. The traffic was so intense because there was heavy rainfall. Since the vehicles, were more or less at a standstill due to flood and impatient drivers, she got down and walked miles, drenched in the rain and finally got home way after midnight- she spent about 8 hours after a full day work trying to get home. The husband picked a fight with her for coming home so late. She explained her circumstance and soon after the figh, he wanted a sexual relationship with her. The woman retorted, saying that she is not a dog. The man was in the mood but did not understand the mode. As long as he was concerned it was his right even though he had been down right nasty to her just a few minutes before the act. A serious fight broke out in the midnight and other residents of the home were awakened. The brother in law being a man, naturally sympathised with his fellow man saying, it is a painful thing to deny her husband of sex; but he did not understand the emtional pain the woman had gone through. The woman does not want to be a sex object, she wants to be loved all the way into the act.
Can you imagine what difference it would have made if the man had spoken a few words of comfort after he heard of the wive's ordeal. If only he had said, 'oh it is a pity you went through all this, please quickly take a warm bath and have a change of clothes while I get you a warm cup of cocoa drink or something warm to drink'. The woman would have felt cared for and loved and not feel like a tool to be used at anytime.
While the man is wrong in this circumstance, picking up a fight is not the solution or right approach even though I could feel her frustration. Ladies could hint their men on how best to get them into the mood. I use the word 'hint' because most women are secretive in nature. It has been said that the libido of a woman is 3 times higher than that of a man, but the mode needs to be right, for maximum benefit to both parties.
In my next blog, I will be handling tips on dealing with exhaustion from Dometsic Work/Parenting