It is natural in most cultures of the world to expect
young people to grow up and get married when they attain an age of maturity; however
very few families make a conscious effort to prepare their male and female
children for getting married. The most some families do is to ensure that their
female children are domesticated. Female children are thought to cook good
meals, clean the homes and generally keep the home homely and be obedient to their husbands. In some families, the male children are thought some points in leadership. This is good because
some people get into marriage without knowing any of these and it does cause
problems. However, being domesticated is not the only training needed to take a person through marriage.
Nowadays, most families employ domestic assistants that handle these routine duties in the home
while the woman of house plays a supervisory role. The church has also stepped in to ensure counseling sessions for couples planning
marriage; and this really goes a long way in alleviating some of the initial
challenges of marriage. However I still believe that marriage can be compared
to a life time journey and more and adequate preparation is necessary to
prepare those getting into the honorable institution of marriage. People learn different trades for years before they start of those trades or carreers and while in the trade or carreer, training still continue. The challenges we experienced and also observed in other couples has inspired me to start sharing some insights that can perhaps help some couples through their phase of trials in marriage relationship. It can also better prepare some couples planning to get married. Contrary to
the woes expressed by many who are in marriage or who have been through
marriage; God ordained this union to be blissful and advantageous to married couples.
God bless you.
Saturday 19 October 2013
Friday 18 October 2013
The Covenant
1+1=1 The covenant.
Marriage is a covenant and like every other covenant should be treated as a covenant. It is an agreement between two people in the presence of witnesses, moreso before God. Friends and families troop in from different cities and sometimes different countries to witness this agreement. Preparations sometimes start as far back as 9 months before the event. The agreement takes place in the midst of celebrations, involving music, dance, food galore, photographs, videos, gifts, special clothes for the couple, news shoes. In some cases long bridal train, groom's men etc. The celebrations sometimes last for about 3 days. Marriage vows are made as follows: to be with each other for better for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do the couple part. In summary, it is an agreement to stick together and be faithful to each other until death. One of the highest agreement in the entire world that has produced families of the earth. Yet in recent times, more attention is paid to the celebration marking the agreement than to the terms of the agreement. Even the terms of a business agreement now seems to be more honoured than the agreement of the sacred institution called marriage. Either the man or the woman gets sick and the healthy person begins to move away from the bed even when the sickness is not infectious. Some abandon their wives in the hospital. Some abandon their wife in the hospital or mistreat her if she does not give birth to the gender he expected. Some women abandon their husband or begin to disrespect them when he is out of job or money is not coming in as before.
One of the most amazing is men who complain that their wives breast is no longer firm and pointed as before. This is as a result of time which passes over everyone and everything. They start admiring and going after younger ladies. This attitude has put a lot of women under pressure and they do not breast feed babies properly so that the breasts will remain firm. The man should understand that this is the price she paid for feeding the children they both have and are so proud of. He should be grateful to her. The marriage covenant is a shelter for the couple (TD Jakes). When any one begins to operate outside the covenant, he or she is operating outside the shelter and can be hit by flying objects. May God give you higher interpretation. But I pray that anyone straying away from the terms of this agreement; be it man or woman will turn around in the name of Jesus. AMEN.
Marriage is a covenant and like every other covenant should be treated as a covenant. It is an agreement between two people in the presence of witnesses, moreso before God. Friends and families troop in from different cities and sometimes different countries to witness this agreement. Preparations sometimes start as far back as 9 months before the event. The agreement takes place in the midst of celebrations, involving music, dance, food galore, photographs, videos, gifts, special clothes for the couple, news shoes. In some cases long bridal train, groom's men etc. The celebrations sometimes last for about 3 days. Marriage vows are made as follows: to be with each other for better for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do the couple part. In summary, it is an agreement to stick together and be faithful to each other until death. One of the highest agreement in the entire world that has produced families of the earth. Yet in recent times, more attention is paid to the celebration marking the agreement than to the terms of the agreement. Even the terms of a business agreement now seems to be more honoured than the agreement of the sacred institution called marriage. Either the man or the woman gets sick and the healthy person begins to move away from the bed even when the sickness is not infectious. Some abandon their wives in the hospital. Some abandon their wife in the hospital or mistreat her if she does not give birth to the gender he expected. Some women abandon their husband or begin to disrespect them when he is out of job or money is not coming in as before.
One of the most amazing is men who complain that their wives breast is no longer firm and pointed as before. This is as a result of time which passes over everyone and everything. They start admiring and going after younger ladies. This attitude has put a lot of women under pressure and they do not breast feed babies properly so that the breasts will remain firm. The man should understand that this is the price she paid for feeding the children they both have and are so proud of. He should be grateful to her. The marriage covenant is a shelter for the couple (TD Jakes). When any one begins to operate outside the covenant, he or she is operating outside the shelter and can be hit by flying objects. May God give you higher interpretation. But I pray that anyone straying away from the terms of this agreement; be it man or woman will turn around in the name of Jesus. AMEN.
Sunday 13 October 2013
1+1 = 1 Learn from each other
1+1 = 1 Learn from each other
A few years after my sister got married, I noticed that she had become very much aware of the political situation in the country, quite unlike her before she got married. I knew immediately that the insight came from her husband.
No man is a custodian of ALL knowledge. Married couples should learn from each other. Most men by virtue of their position as heads of family often slide into the erroeneous position of believing and also displaying an attitude that they know and understand all issues more than their wives. But this is not always correct. Each party has something to learn from the other and this is part of God's plan in bringing people together in marriage - to enhance their knowledge and understanding and make them a better and improved 'ONE'. The bible says that they were 'both naked and not ashamed' - referring to the first couple on earth. This is not just physical nakedness, but also openess in every area; expressing your ignorance and fears without being ashamed and also bringing solutions to the table without being arrogant. A marriage relationship that lacks understanding of this will not benefit from treasures hidden in the husband or in the wife. Next time, you are confused or afraid, share your fears with your wife or husband and you will be amazed the solution that can come from such openess. God bless you.
A few years after my sister got married, I noticed that she had become very much aware of the political situation in the country, quite unlike her before she got married. I knew immediately that the insight came from her husband.
No man is a custodian of ALL knowledge. Married couples should learn from each other. Most men by virtue of their position as heads of family often slide into the erroeneous position of believing and also displaying an attitude that they know and understand all issues more than their wives. But this is not always correct. Each party has something to learn from the other and this is part of God's plan in bringing people together in marriage - to enhance their knowledge and understanding and make them a better and improved 'ONE'. The bible says that they were 'both naked and not ashamed' - referring to the first couple on earth. This is not just physical nakedness, but also openess in every area; expressing your ignorance and fears without being ashamed and also bringing solutions to the table without being arrogant. A marriage relationship that lacks understanding of this will not benefit from treasures hidden in the husband or in the wife. Next time, you are confused or afraid, share your fears with your wife or husband and you will be amazed the solution that can come from such openess. God bless you.
Saturday 12 October 2013
One plus One: Two become One - A great mystery
One plus One: Two become One - A great mystery: 1+1=1. The great mystery called marriage; two becoming one. At wedding two become one spiritually before God and even before man. But the o...
Two become One - A great mystery
1+1=1. The great mystery called marriage; two becoming one. At wedding two become one spiritually before God and even before man. But the oneness will have to be worked out by the couple or else they will not attain that blend that make them to have the same view and the same voice; manifesting in peace, greater love and continual joy. This principle can be compared to that of salvation. When you confess and receive Jesus as Lord and saviour, you are saved instantly. But you need to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Likewise conscious effort is required to attain oneness in marriage. Why should we take marriage for granted? We often assume that it will work out because of mutual physical attraction and love; because of the feeling we call love. But my favourite quote on love is from Joyce Meyer, 'Love is not a feeling. It can produce a feeling. Love is a decision. Love is an effort'. She went on to say that Jesus said,'love your enemies', that who ever feels like loving an enemy. I want to add that love is a sacrifice. 'For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have an everlasting life'. If love is just a feeling; who ever feels like giving up a Son to die, even if that person has 20 sons? Marriage is not for boys and girls. Bible says a man shall leave his father and mother. .....It did not say that a boy will leave his father and mother.......
I pray today that some man and some woman reading this will take the decision, make the sacrifice and put in the required effort to attain oneness in his/her marriage. Some may have to eat the humble pie asking for forgiveness so that peace can reign, but it does not matter. You will not regret it and you will be better and happier for it. GOD BLESS YOU and bless your marriage in Jesus name. Amen.
I pray today that some man and some woman reading this will take the decision, make the sacrifice and put in the required effort to attain oneness in his/her marriage. Some may have to eat the humble pie asking for forgiveness so that peace can reign, but it does not matter. You will not regret it and you will be better and happier for it. GOD BLESS YOU and bless your marriage in Jesus name. Amen.
Friday 11 October 2013
Bringing Traditions into Marriage: (My bitter leaf soup)
1+1 = 1 only in Marriage:
I was counseling with an agrieved wife. One of the problems she was having with her husband is that he wanted her to be cooking Yoruba tribe meals in the house and meanwhile she is of the Ibo tribe origin. And that in 'her place', the man eats what the woman cooks, period. She cannot stand Yoruba meals and it was causing very intense disagreement. Fortunately my marriage was of same tribal mix of Ibo and Yoruba. So I shared my 'bitter leaf soup' experience with her. Just like I wrote in an earlier write up, marriage involves sacrifice from both parties and most times one person makes more sacrifices than the other or it could be equal sacrifice.
Bitter leaf was and still is my favorite soup. But my husband could not stand it because his first taste of the soup was horrible and he felt that all bitter leaf soups tasted the same way. So we reached a compromise and we made okro soup and Egusi soup the Ibo way, which he did not mind at all. I must thank God for my sisters. They are marvelous people and I appreciate them as we celebrate our 15 years of marriage anniversary. When My sister aunty uche heard that he does not like bitter leaf soup; especially the reason he did not like it (bitterness), she giggled. It was very funny to her. Then she would always invite me over to her house each time she makes bitter leaf soup, announcing that she had made my favorite soup. My office was very close to her house so I would walk down at lunch to have my cherished bitter leaf soup. This happened for several years after our marriage. I also want to thank God for Pastor Vera who lived next compound to mine early in marriage and without a word to her, would from time to time bring me bitter leaf soup. Very delicious. Then without a word to my Landlady, she started sending heaven made bitter leaf soup (filled with ''obstacles'') to my house - sister Chidi; we are 15years. Thank you for all your inputs. All were positive inputs. You are a friend indeed. Came a certain day, we visited my eldest sister and my husband ate bitterleaf soup in her house because he would not pick and choose food. He ate it out of respect. He now discovered that he just ate the badly cooked one the first time he tasted it. To cut this short, bitter leaf soup is now one of his favorite meals. We won that trial triumphantly plus I experienced the provision of God as it relates to the most minute sacrifice.. I must not forget my good friend - Ebere Nwachukwu, who invites us all the way to her house to come have a feast of bitterleaf soup. Today, my husband sometimes reminds me to make bitter leaf soup. The Lady I was counseling with was very quiet after she heard my experience. Let us not bring the way it is done ''in my place'' into marriage. work out a compromise; except of course if that ''way'' is God's way.See more
I was counseling with an agrieved wife. One of the problems she was having with her husband is that he wanted her to be cooking Yoruba tribe meals in the house and meanwhile she is of the Ibo tribe origin. And that in 'her place', the man eats what the woman cooks, period. She cannot stand Yoruba meals and it was causing very intense disagreement. Fortunately my marriage was of same tribal mix of Ibo and Yoruba. So I shared my 'bitter leaf soup' experience with her. Just like I wrote in an earlier write up, marriage involves sacrifice from both parties and most times one person makes more sacrifices than the other or it could be equal sacrifice.
Bitter leaf was and still is my favorite soup. But my husband could not stand it because his first taste of the soup was horrible and he felt that all bitter leaf soups tasted the same way. So we reached a compromise and we made okro soup and Egusi soup the Ibo way, which he did not mind at all. I must thank God for my sisters. They are marvelous people and I appreciate them as we celebrate our 15 years of marriage anniversary. When My sister aunty uche heard that he does not like bitter leaf soup; especially the reason he did not like it (bitterness), she giggled. It was very funny to her. Then she would always invite me over to her house each time she makes bitter leaf soup, announcing that she had made my favorite soup. My office was very close to her house so I would walk down at lunch to have my cherished bitter leaf soup. This happened for several years after our marriage. I also want to thank God for Pastor Vera who lived next compound to mine early in marriage and without a word to her, would from time to time bring me bitter leaf soup. Very delicious. Then without a word to my Landlady, she started sending heaven made bitter leaf soup (filled with ''obstacles'') to my house - sister Chidi; we are 15years. Thank you for all your inputs. All were positive inputs. You are a friend indeed. Came a certain day, we visited my eldest sister and my husband ate bitterleaf soup in her house because he would not pick and choose food. He ate it out of respect. He now discovered that he just ate the badly cooked one the first time he tasted it. To cut this short, bitter leaf soup is now one of his favorite meals. We won that trial triumphantly plus I experienced the provision of God as it relates to the most minute sacrifice.. I must not forget my good friend - Ebere Nwachukwu, who invites us all the way to her house to come have a feast of bitterleaf soup. Today, my husband sometimes reminds me to make bitter leaf soup. The Lady I was counseling with was very quiet after she heard my experience. Let us not bring the way it is done ''in my place'' into marriage. work out a compromise; except of course if that ''way'' is God's way.See more
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