The Necessary Absence

In many homes, regular absence of one of the spouse is often unavoidable for the common good of the entire family due to proffessional demands. This is prevalent in proffesions like medicines, military, missionary,engineering and many other proffessions that require outstation like aviation.
     This necessary absence many times put pressure and strain on the marriage. The spouse whose job does not require much mobility begins to feel that her/his right to her/his spouse is being encroached upon by the carreer. He/she may feel cheated as the tasks of home seems to rest more on the shoulders of the spouse whose career does not require so much mobility. He/she feels abandoned and left out even as some evenings and weekends which are taken to be a general gift to the family are sometimes encroached upon due to same demand.
    The non high mobility spouse begins to hate the career of the spouse and unconsciously feels that the career is contending with his/her position as the spouse. Some utter words like 'you might as well get married to the job'. Others say, '  you have to choose either me or your job'.

1.   As challenging as this sitaution may be, the couple need to remember that this unavoidable absence is for the common benefit of the entire family.
2. The party that is always away should try as much as possible to carry the other spouse along through phone calls, instant chats, discuss things of interest in the place of work with the spouse and call at least once or twice  during the course of the day. This builds confidence in the spouse that she, (if the female spouse) is not just a piece of furniture to decorate the home.
3. Upon the return of the mobile male spouse, it natural to want to be pampered and taken of by the wife. Wives please cooperate.
4. However the man should also understand that the woman faces certain pressure so should assist with some chores that pose serious challenge to the wife in his absence, after he has taken his rest. Chores like school runs (this will also enable him put in the father value in the children as they mingle. No matter how caring a mother is to her children, the role of the father is very important), chores like carpentary works, ensuring the cars are in good shape etc. Where this is not practised, most couples end up quarelling and it will seem as if the presence of the visiting spouse is not welcome. But the issue is that the wife does not get some relief from the visit of the mobile spouse and many times, may not be able to articulate the problem, so it spills out in irritable behaviours and quarrels - it becomes worse when it is time for the spouse to travel again.
5. The non mobile spouse should remember that if the spouse does not have a job, it will bear another type of pressure on the marriage.

Finally, what is required here is patience and understanding because such situations are just for a season and it will pass and both couples will be together again as much as they want. May the Lord grant peace and deep insight to couples in this scenario in Jesus Name.