Months After The Honey Moon

            There is so much fantasies and dreams about sex to the young adults and even Teenagers and this happens well before marriage. In most families, it can cause much concern to parents as they are concerned about children getting involved in the right things but at the right time. Eventaullayy the young ones grow into marriage and there is much liberty for sexual relationship without hide and seek or shame because marriage is the legal institution where sexual relationship can be practised with liberty. But no matter how much we fantasize about the rossiness of marriage while we are still outside the marriage institution; coming into marriage, we are soon faced with the reality that marraige is not a life time of honeymoon.Sexual relationship is ordained by God to create bonding, bring about procreation  amidst pleasure. However sooner than later if the purpose and all uses of sexual relationship is not understood, it can start causing problems. We will be discussing some of these problems that are prevalent in marriages:

1. Tiredness - soon after marriage couples discover that marriage is not a life time of honey moon. The highest time for honey moon is probably one month. Then both parties are back to realities of life. They probably both go off early in the morning and come back late at night from their diffferent jobs. In some other cases, the woman stays home, but is also saddled with so many affairs of the home that may range from laundry, house cleaning and cooking. The children are not around yet, and most young women want to be the perfect wife at this stage. Soon after she gets a moment to herself, the spouse is back from  work. At this stage, the excitement of marriage is still very fresh and both can still go on coping irrespective of the various stress of the day without noticing  exhaustion. However, soon after, pregnancy may set in and some women start reacting differently to sexual relationship as a result of the hormone changes going on in the body.

          Apart from this, there is work stress and everyday life challenges like finance,
          parenting and emotional challenges that may  also cause exhaustion. Part of the
          ways for overcoming this, is for couples  to make a concious effort to create
          time for each other to enjoy some relaxation away from the routine busy and
          sometimes crouded atmosphere of the home.
          Each one can talk about their fears and challenges and both proffer practical
          solutions. Example of a discussion;

'       Husband: "I get so tired after driving through the traffic that all I want to do when
                          I get home is eat and hit the bed like a log of wood'.
        Wife:        '' Well you could have a hot bath and also do you think that a massage can
                          ease off the tiredness?  Alternatively you go in very early and close a
                          little bit earlier so that you can beat the heavy traffic period if possible'
         
 I doubt if there is any husband that that would resist a warm bath and a massage from the wife and ofcourse the other way round if the wife is the exhausted party.

 If both spouses are tired at the end day it can also be discussed and solutions reached by both as this important relationship should not be denied longer than necessary to avoid any party having a reason to look outside. We must state that no reason is good enough to look  for sex outside of marriage because that is breaking a covenant made before God and it has serious repercussions, that may not be immediate. However if any of the couple avoid sexual relationship for more than a month as a result of tiredness, then there may be a fundamental problem that needs to be tackled. But the way and manner of tackling this need to be carefully thought out and chosen.

2. Domestic Work/Parenting:
    This often takes a toll on the wives time and eventually her body and strength. A lot of wives cope with jobs, dometic work and parenting. It is only human to be exhausted at the end of the day. Some cope with these with school runs inclusive. They drop off the children on their way to work and pick up the children on their way from work, prepare the meals, supervise the eating time, take phone call from her mother who may have some issues with her sibling amidst getting things ready for school  for the next day and sometimes the list can be endless. On the other hand, the husband may still be stuck in traffic and comes home depressed and the only way he can get some sanity is to have a sexual relationship with this wife who is already spent. At this point, sex has become just another exasperating duty to the wife; as she may feel under this circumstance that she has been tied to a stake and being whipped, instead of romance. At this stage some women may begin to wonder if this is still the so much desired closeness with a spouse that she dreamt about for many years before marriage. The 'almighty' sex is fast turning  into an additional burden of the day. Unfortunately, many are so shy of this topic and so many bottle up without seeking solutions and it begins to add unnecessary weight to the marriage.

Something needs to be done; a corrective measure needs to be brought in at this point. (to be continued)