MODERATION

GOOD day people

Back to God's arithmetic for marriage! It is a great mystery, yet a profound truth that is achievable with faith in God, prayer and practice of wisdom. This plan of God has eluded many, who set out to be one from the day they were joined together as husband and wife in a gathering of people. And in earlier posts, some of the reasons were mentioned .Today, we will start a focus on moderation. Moderation simply defined is; not too much and not too little.
A lot of people take lack of moderation in affairs of life for granted. But this can easily set the clock of life backward in human relationships; including the MARRIAGE relationship. Lack of moderation in talking, lack of moderation in working, lack of moderation in spending, lack of moderation in dressing, lack of moderation in making friends and lack of moderation in relationship with friends, lack of moderation in furnishing the home, lack of moderation in relaxing/sleeping be it the woman or the man that over indulge in this, and the next point may surprise you, and that is lack of moderation in praying and fasting! I need to be clear that I am not advocating that couples should not fast and pray, but we are talking about moderation. When couples fast and pray, they do not indulge in sexual relationship and the bible is clear that this should not be for too long so that the couple will get back together again and satan will not tempt them.
So if God expects us to practice moderation in fasting and praying, how much more in other areas of life.
Satan is bound to creep in, in any area of life that we do not apply moderation, including eating which is essential for strength and good health. Many have dug themselves early graves with fork and knife, by over eating and /or eating the wrong things. While many have also fallen sick and some died as a result of too much abstinence from eating for whatever the reason may be. What about lack of moderation in talking? Family wars that have the potential to lead to tribal and even world wars have been caused by too much talk. Societies, communities and even churches have suffered from this aspect of lack of moderation and I will be sharing examples. Friends and good people; this is an introduction. Bible says, 'let your moderation be known to all men'. Please stay tuned. God bless you and cause each and every one of us to begin to look in ward as we examine this topic.

Months After the Honey Moon ( Continued)

 
In my last blog on 'Months After the Honey Moon', we concluded that something needs to happen fast. A corrective measure needs to be put in place as it pertains to issues that cause exhaustion and diminish sexual drive in either of the couples for longer than necessary. We will handle that, but not before taking the 3rd point that may cause enstragnement in sexual relationship.

Lack of understanding of moods and mode:
Many times, the man is in the mood but the mode with which he goes about might be wrong. Most men being visual in nature see their wives as sex objects; they believe she is there for sex whenever it is needed. But on the other side, the woman does not understand why he should always be in the mood without undrstanding the mode. The woman by nature wants to be wooed, spoken to gently and carressed before she gets into the same mood as the man. However most men do not understand this aspect, because as far as they are concerned, she is there for him anytime. That is correct but there is a way to go about it. Just like the car is there for you all the time, but there is a way to handle it so that it can respond to you all the time. This lack of response from the wife at all times can cause 'rape' in marriage and has also driven some men to go and look for a girl, pay for it and get what they want. But this is likely because they have not been able to understand how to get the cooperation of their wives at all times. The girl outside is committed to the man's money but not to the man, while the wife is committed to the man.
Little gestures can prepare the spouse for the sexual relationship. But if these are not taken into consideration, the big picture becomes marred and everything becomes blurred and fussy.I once heard the story of a lovely woman who had a midnight fight with her husband over sex; yelling at the husband that 'she is not a dog' while the husband was retorting that she must succumb! The woman had gone out early to work but met a terrible tarffic on her way coming home at the close of work. The traffic was so intense because there was heavy rainfall. Since the vehicles, were more or less at a standstill due to flood and impatient drivers, she got down and walked miles, drenched in the rain and finally got home way after midnight- she spent about 8 hours after a full day work trying to get home. The husband picked a fight with her for coming home so late. She explained her circumstance and soon after the figh, he wanted a sexual relationship with her. The woman retorted, saying that she is not a dog. The man was in the mood but did not understand the mode. As long as he was concerned it was his right even though he had been down right nasty to her just a few minutes before the act. A serious fight broke out in the midnight and other residents of the home were awakened. The brother in law being a man, naturally sympathised with his fellow man saying, it is a painful thing to deny her husband of sex; but he did not understand the emtional pain the woman had gone through. The woman does not want to be a sex object, she wants to be loved all the way into the act.
Can you imagine what difference it would have made if the man had spoken a few words of comfort after he heard of the wive's ordeal. If only he had said, 'oh it is a pity you went through all this, please quickly take a warm bath and have a change of clothes while I get you a warm cup of cocoa drink or something warm to drink'. The woman would have felt cared for and loved and not feel like a tool to be used at anytime.
While the man is wrong in this circumstance, picking up a fight is not the solution or right approach even though I could feel her frustration. Ladies could hint their men on how best to get them into the mood. I use the word 'hint' because most women are secretive in nature. It has been said that the libido of a woman is 3 times higher than that of a man, but the mode needs to be right, for maximum benefit to both parties.
In my next blog, I will be handling tips on dealing with exhaustion from Dometsic Work/Parenting

One plus One: Things That are Bound to Happen

One plus One: Things That are Bound to Happen: Hello Good  People, There are certain things that are bound to happen in marriage and in human relationships. Some accept it, others deny ...

Things That are Bound to Happen

Hello Good  People,

There are certain things that are bound to happen in marriage and in human relationships. Some accept it, others deny it, first to themselves and then also deny it to the person or persons they are involved with. Some cover it up, but it does not remove the existence. Some spiritualise it and put the blame on the next person or on every other person around their circle of relationship, but this again does not remove the fact, and the glaring consequences. Rather it drives a wedge in the relationship and deepens the gulf created by the situation.
      In every relationship, no two people have equal attributes. One person may be more accomodating; seeing wrong behaviours and taking it, believing that the other person will soon realise his or her mistakes and put in some boundaries, while the other person will not allow anyone around to cross a line. Another may be more generous while the other is less generous. One may be a risk taker while the other person is not. Another may be very accessible while the other person is not. One may be very outgoing while the other person is an indoor person. Another might like nature watch like myself and the other may love people watch like my husband. We pass through a street and the number of behavioural patterns he (my spouse) will observe is simply amazing and he is always surprised that I did not notice same. I can be glued to one spot for over an hour just watching the sea and he cannot understand what the hell is happening in the river, ocean or sea that I cannot remove my eyes from or causes the screams of joy as the waves go up and come down. What is so  beautiful about a tree? And I go how did you observe all that in less than a second? According to our naija comedians, 'na so life be'.
       But these differences are not really issues for me in human relationships, especially in marriage because I believe that it is a deliberate act of God to bring balance and enhancement in the lives of the people He has brought together. At least if one person wants to give out everything they own in the name of generousity, the other spouse can apply some break and they will be a balance. If the outgoing person wants to stay out all day and go out all weekend, the indoor person can apply some break in the trend to achieve some balance, like wise if the indoor person refuses to mix with friends and family, the other person can also let him or her see the other side of life. But if the two are given to the same equal attributes, then excesses are bound to take place to the detriment of the immediate and sometimes the larger family. Since God wants everything to be done in moderation, many times, two people of opposite or extreme attributes are joined together in marriage so that both can introduce moderation in the life of each other.
       Where couples or friends do not understand this, their lives together will be filled with 'why's'....why this, why that way and the 'why' just continues. It can also lead to serious frustrations because you just want the other person to be like you in everything............that will not lead to onesness. It can lead to so mush frustration that if care is not taken, it will tear the two people apart.
       So we need to recognise the strength and weaknesses of each other, but more important, we need to recognise OUR own weaknesses. This is because if we do, then we can recognise help that God has already provided in our spouse or friend; but when we do not recognise our area of weakness or admit our area of our weakness, then comes the CRUX of my thoughts today. Something happens. A denial occurs, disagreement sets in, finger pointing starts and chaos sets in ,the weakness deepens and frustrations start. The worst is cover up. If you want a wound to heal fast, open it so that it can get some air. Even when you cover it, it is with a bandage that gives room for light and air to get to the wound. No wound looks nice to behold. So people who have wounds are ashamed and they try to hide it away from the sight of other people by covering it. But this does not bring healing. There is healing and already provided help for every wound that you are carrying in someone close to you. Putting the fault on everyother person or on the other person will never heal that weakness. Help begins to set in when we realise it, admit it and receive the help that God has made so readily available for your situation or circumstance. Rececive and do not be shy to leave a comment after reading this or ask questions. You know what, we have all been there; these things are bound to happen. Cheer up.

Months After The Honey Moon

            There is so much fantasies and dreams about sex to the young adults and even Teenagers and this happens well before marriage. In most families, it can cause much concern to parents as they are concerned about children getting involved in the right things but at the right time. Eventaullayy the young ones grow into marriage and there is much liberty for sexual relationship without hide and seek or shame because marriage is the legal institution where sexual relationship can be practised with liberty. But no matter how much we fantasize about the rossiness of marriage while we are still outside the marriage institution; coming into marriage, we are soon faced with the reality that marraige is not a life time of honeymoon.Sexual relationship is ordained by God to create bonding, bring about procreation  amidst pleasure. However sooner than later if the purpose and all uses of sexual relationship is not understood, it can start causing problems. We will be discussing some of these problems that are prevalent in marriages:

1. Tiredness - soon after marriage couples discover that marriage is not a life time of honey moon. The highest time for honey moon is probably one month. Then both parties are back to realities of life. They probably both go off early in the morning and come back late at night from their diffferent jobs. In some other cases, the woman stays home, but is also saddled with so many affairs of the home that may range from laundry, house cleaning and cooking. The children are not around yet, and most young women want to be the perfect wife at this stage. Soon after she gets a moment to herself, the spouse is back from  work. At this stage, the excitement of marriage is still very fresh and both can still go on coping irrespective of the various stress of the day without noticing  exhaustion. However, soon after, pregnancy may set in and some women start reacting differently to sexual relationship as a result of the hormone changes going on in the body.

          Apart from this, there is work stress and everyday life challenges like finance,
          parenting and emotional challenges that may  also cause exhaustion. Part of the
          ways for overcoming this, is for couples  to make a concious effort to create
          time for each other to enjoy some relaxation away from the routine busy and
          sometimes crouded atmosphere of the home.
          Each one can talk about their fears and challenges and both proffer practical
          solutions. Example of a discussion;

'       Husband: "I get so tired after driving through the traffic that all I want to do when
                          I get home is eat and hit the bed like a log of wood'.
        Wife:        '' Well you could have a hot bath and also do you think that a massage can
                          ease off the tiredness?  Alternatively you go in very early and close a
                          little bit earlier so that you can beat the heavy traffic period if possible'
         
 I doubt if there is any husband that that would resist a warm bath and a massage from the wife and ofcourse the other way round if the wife is the exhausted party.

 If both spouses are tired at the end day it can also be discussed and solutions reached by both as this important relationship should not be denied longer than necessary to avoid any party having a reason to look outside. We must state that no reason is good enough to look  for sex outside of marriage because that is breaking a covenant made before God and it has serious repercussions, that may not be immediate. However if any of the couple avoid sexual relationship for more than a month as a result of tiredness, then there may be a fundamental problem that needs to be tackled. But the way and manner of tackling this need to be carefully thought out and chosen.

2. Domestic Work/Parenting:
    This often takes a toll on the wives time and eventually her body and strength. A lot of wives cope with jobs, dometic work and parenting. It is only human to be exhausted at the end of the day. Some cope with these with school runs inclusive. They drop off the children on their way to work and pick up the children on their way from work, prepare the meals, supervise the eating time, take phone call from her mother who may have some issues with her sibling amidst getting things ready for school  for the next day and sometimes the list can be endless. On the other hand, the husband may still be stuck in traffic and comes home depressed and the only way he can get some sanity is to have a sexual relationship with this wife who is already spent. At this point, sex has become just another exasperating duty to the wife; as she may feel under this circumstance that she has been tied to a stake and being whipped, instead of romance. At this stage some women may begin to wonder if this is still the so much desired closeness with a spouse that she dreamt about for many years before marriage. The 'almighty' sex is fast turning  into an additional burden of the day. Unfortunately, many are so shy of this topic and so many bottle up without seeking solutions and it begins to add unnecessary weight to the marriage.

Something needs to be done; a corrective measure needs to be brought in at this point. (to be continued)

When Things Do not Go As Planned



It is a fact of life that sometimes; if not many times human plans do not work out as planned. In most situations, it can be depressing because of dashed hopes and expectations. If this happens a fews times, it can lead to frustrations and finger pointing will rear it's head. Some men may start accusing their wife of witchcraft, while the woman may accuse the husband of recklessness or whatever best describes the reason for the aborted plans to her. The truth is that this is the wrong approach to handling dissatisfaction
emanating from failed plans or delayed manifestations of aspirations and dreams. Couples are not only one when all is good and things working as planned. They are also one when when plans fail and when dreams are delayed. The right approach to handling these moments of dissappointment and down time is to be an encouragement to each other. Analyse the situation together and come up with solutions together without pointing fingers at each other. This way, if any of the partners is responsible for the situation, he/she will not feel crushed by the additional blame but will rather be resolved to do better in future while the love and peace in the family continues. I pray that the Lord will grant couples patience and understanding in the name of Jesus. In due course, you will reap if you faint not. GOD BLESS YOU.

After The Vows



The most popular of the wedding vows is for better for worse, in sickness and in health for richer for poorer till death do us part.



for better for worse

When this vow is made by couples on their wedding day, many actually focus on 'for better' and reject  'for worse' and some churches do not allow the negative part of the vows any more. However, rejecting conditions that are unpleasant to couples (for worse) does not take those conditions away from any marriage. That is reality; it is a fact of life. These are situations that proove the marraige. Surviving those conditions make the couple to emerge stronger and more united. The buidling blocks beaten by rain and other elements of the weather are stronger than the newly moulded ones. The newly moulded ones may look more attractive, but is more likel;y to crumble if used to build a house while it is still new and fresh. Therefore, builders go the extra mile of pouring water for days before the newly moulded blocks can be used for building.

Weight challenges are inevitable in most marriages, both for the wives and the husbands. No matter how much we try, wear and tear sets in. Some at a faster rate than others, depending on a lot of factors. Amongst the first set of factors are the following:

1. Regular meals - most ladies do not eat regularly before marriage. But with marriage, there is a responsibility to feed the husband well. This is even before pregnancy occurs for most ladies. With cooking three meals daily, and eating together, some weight gain is noticed in both as quickly as even a month after the wedding. Compliments keep flowing in from friends and well wishers. The wife is happy because everybody is commending her good works showing on the husband. However, without knowing it, the 'expansion programme' has started for both of them. Sooner than later the man's stomach is taking a different shape, but it still looks ok and he feels that he can manage this; the woman feels same, or gets pregnant so is not bothered yet about weight. But something is already happening.
2. Pregnancy - with pregnancy comes additional weight gain, but the woman feels that she will handle this as soon as she gives birth. However, breast feeding sets in immedaitely and the woman is supposed to feed well. Most women also get helps to assist with the domestic work in the house. This flings any little exercise most women get from domestic work as very soon, they get used to having a help do the most minimal chores. They sweep, wash the bathrooms and toilets, grocery shopping and  laundry as well. All these are good avenues for exercising and burning fat and there is a good reason - the woman needs help.
3. Drivnig - most people drive to places that they would ordinarily have walked to because they now own cars and are just used to getting to these places faster by driving.

I really would  not like to go into much details on reasons for weight gain as that is the not my main focus  in this post. My focus is when the weight gain has occured, how do we react to our spouses and how do we react to the reaction of our spouses.

The reaction depends on likes and dislikes of people. Some prefer to look bigger while others, prefer them with little or no weight gain if possible. For those who want their spouses to gain weight, all welll and good; but just consider the health factor of gaining weight as many have lost their lives out the ignorance of the fact too much weight gain causes a lot of sicknesses and may lead death and has actually led to the death of many.

For those who do not like much weight gain, the reactions of the spouses may vary as follows:

1. Embarrasment - the spouse is embarrassed and might start avoiding appearing publicly with the partner handling weight challenges.
2. May kill attraction and affect the sexual relationship - some spouses are driven into the dangerous adventure adultery while some simply recoil in. 
3. Some become unkind and feel the partner with the challenge is sloppy, greedy and lazy; so they make unkind remarks.
4. Unpleasant remarks from people on the streets, taxis, buses etc; the stares, the gazes.

Whatever the challenge may be, challenges are meant to be overcome.

1. It can be quite painful if your spouse is no longer proud of your looks and as such does not want to show you off. That's simply what the embarrasment is all about. It is not hatred, he/she is simply dissappointed by the new look. He/she  feels betrayed and expects that  you will understand that this new look would embarras him. He/she begins to feel that you do not care about her/his feeling. It is similar to the feeling of betrayal most women feel when their spouses who showed so much care during courtship start abusing them physically right after marriage. They feel that the love and care was a 'ploy' used to lure them into marriage only to show their true colour after. Likewise, the spouse feels that the slim and trim looks was just a ploy to lure him into marriage and now that marriage is achieved, the spouse does no longer care about his ego. He feels that the person he got married to is fake.
2. The lack of sexual drive is a function of 'chemistry' that I must confess I have no expalantion for. People are simply attracted to different types of looks and it is not intentional that the drive went and comes back when the spouse takes on the looks that attract them. But in as much as we want to please our spouses, we also need to please ourselves and I have discovered that when we pay attention to our looks, we are happy  and invariably our spouses and even other people are pleased with our looks.

Both the offended party and the 'supposed offender'  need compassion and understanding. Make known your concerns in a kind and gentle way.

• we need to heed the simple jovial warnings. It may be passed accross in the atmosphere of laughter but they mean it -about 2 years after wedding, my husband came into the kitchen, and jokingly lifted up one of  my arms, and hailed me ;'christian mother!' while shaking the arms to show me the weight that was gethering there. It was funny to me but I understood that he passed his concern on in a kind way, so I did what I could not to ignore his concern because at that time even getting the right food was very expensive for us so we all ate what came our way, I walked at the slightest opportunity and handled house chores a lot, and you will never imagine how weight I lost as a reslut of that.
• I would advocate challenges be discussed and efforts to lose weight also be discussed. Some people make efforts but keep it to themselves.
• Most of the changes in the woman's body are prices paid for the beautiful children both couples have and enjoy.
• The introduction of remote control for Televisions, Airconditioners and even Fans, took it toll on the weight gain experienced by a lot of us as the little exercise of getting up to switch the TV on/off as well as the Airconditioners was taken off. This leads to people sitting in front of the television for long hours without any movement.
• If driving to the market, park a long distance to the shops so that a long walk can be taken to the shops and back to the car. That's an additional way of getting exercised.

Finally, these challenges can be compared to the elements of the weather buffetting your marriage. Be encouraged because it has its beautiful purpose which is to strenghten your marriage by the time you have gone through it. Just like Nelly says, it will end in praise and when you tell the stories of how you overcame, you will understand the purpose of the challenge better by and by. No one can replace you in the heart and life of your spouse when you have taken the buffeting and loved him through it all and emrged a winner that you were fashioned to be. Girlfriends will expire like NAFDAC regulated medication. You may ask Dora what is done with expired drugs.

One plus One: The Necessary Absence

One plus One: The Necessary Absence: In many homes, regular absence of one of the spouse is often unavoidable for the common good of the entire family due to proffessional deman...

The Necessary Absence

In many homes, regular absence of one of the spouse is often unavoidable for the common good of the entire family due to proffessional demands. This is prevalent in proffesions like medicines, military, missionary,engineering and many other proffessions that require outstation like aviation.
     This necessary absence many times put pressure and strain on the marriage. The spouse whose job does not require much mobility begins to feel that her/his right to her/his spouse is being encroached upon by the carreer. He/she may feel cheated as the tasks of home seems to rest more on the shoulders of the spouse whose career does not require so much mobility. He/she feels abandoned and left out even as some evenings and weekends which are taken to be a general gift to the family are sometimes encroached upon due to same demand.
    The non high mobility spouse begins to hate the career of the spouse and unconsciously feels that the career is contending with his/her position as the spouse. Some utter words like 'you might as well get married to the job'. Others say, '  you have to choose either me or your job'.

1.   As challenging as this sitaution may be, the couple need to remember that this unavoidable absence is for the common benefit of the entire family.
2. The party that is always away should try as much as possible to carry the other spouse along through phone calls, instant chats, discuss things of interest in the place of work with the spouse and call at least once or twice  during the course of the day. This builds confidence in the spouse that she, (if the female spouse) is not just a piece of furniture to decorate the home.
3. Upon the return of the mobile male spouse, it natural to want to be pampered and taken of by the wife. Wives please cooperate.
4. However the man should also understand that the woman faces certain pressure so should assist with some chores that pose serious challenge to the wife in his absence, after he has taken his rest. Chores like school runs (this will also enable him put in the father value in the children as they mingle. No matter how caring a mother is to her children, the role of the father is very important), chores like carpentary works, ensuring the cars are in good shape etc. Where this is not practised, most couples end up quarelling and it will seem as if the presence of the visiting spouse is not welcome. But the issue is that the wife does not get some relief from the visit of the mobile spouse and many times, may not be able to articulate the problem, so it spills out in irritable behaviours and quarrels - it becomes worse when it is time for the spouse to travel again.
5. The non mobile spouse should remember that if the spouse does not have a job, it will bear another type of pressure on the marriage.

Finally, what is required here is patience and understanding because such situations are just for a season and it will pass and both couples will be together again as much as they want. May the Lord grant peace and deep insight to couples in this scenario in Jesus Name.

Prepare For Marriage

It is natural in most cultures of the world to expect young people to grow up and get married when they attain an age of maturity; however very few families make a conscious effort to prepare their male and female children for getting married. The most some families do is to ensure that their female children are domesticated. Female children are thought to cook good meals, clean the homes and generally keep the home homely and be obedient to their husbands. In some families, the male children are thought some points in leadership. This is good because some people get into marriage without knowing any of these and it does cause problems. However, being domesticated is not the only training needed to take a person through marriage. Nowadays, most families employ domestic assistants that handle these routine duties in the home while the woman of house plays a supervisory role. The church  has also stepped in to ensure counseling sessions for couples planning marriage; and this really goes a long way in alleviating some of the initial challenges of marriage. However I still believe that marriage can be compared to a life time journey and more and adequate preparation is necessary to prepare those getting into the honorable institution of marriage. People learn different trades for years before they start of those trades or carreers and while in the trade or carreer, training still continue. The challenges we experienced and also observed in other couples has inspired me to start sharing some insights that can perhaps help some couples through their phase of trials in marriage relationship.  It can also better prepare some couples planning to get married. Contrary to the woes expressed by many who are in marriage or who have been through marriage; God ordained this union to be blissful and advantageous to married couples. God bless you.

The Covenant

1+1=1 The covenant.
Marriage is a covenant and like every other covenant should be treated as a covenant. It is an agreement between two people in the presence of witnesses, moreso before God. Friends and families troop in from different cities and sometimes different countries to witness this agreement. Preparations sometimes start as far back as 9 months before the event. The agreement takes place in the midst of celebrations, involving music, dance, food galore, photographs, videos, gifts, special clothes for the couple, news shoes. In some cases long bridal train, groom's men etc. The celebrations sometimes last for about 3 days. Marriage vows are made as follows: to be with each other for better for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do the couple part. In summary, it is an agreement to stick together and be faithful to each other until death. One of the highest agreement in the entire world that has produced families of the earth. Yet in recent times, more attention is paid to the celebration marking the agreement than to the terms of the agreement. Even the terms of a business agreement now seems to be more honoured than the agreement of the sacred institution called marriage. Either the man or the woman gets sick and the healthy person begins to move away from the bed even when the sickness is not infectious. Some abandon their wives in the hospital. Some abandon their wife in the hospital or mistreat her if she does not give birth to the gender he expected. Some women abandon their husband or begin to disrespect them when he is out of job or money is not coming in as before.
One of the most amazing is men who complain that their wives breast is no longer  firm and pointed as before. This is as a result of time which passes over everyone and everything. They start admiring and going after younger ladies. This attitude has put a lot of women under pressure and they do not breast feed babies properly so that the breasts will remain firm. The man should understand that this is the price she paid for feeding the children they both have and are so proud of. He should be grateful to her. The marriage covenant is a shelter for the couple (TD Jakes). When any one begins to operate outside the covenant, he or she is operating outside the shelter and can be hit by flying objects. May God give you higher interpretation. But I pray that anyone straying away from the terms of this agreement; be it man or woman will turn around in the name of Jesus. AMEN.

1+1 = 1 Learn from each other

1+1 = 1 Learn from each other
A few years after my sister got married, I noticed that she had become very much aware of the political situation in the country, quite unlike her before she got married. I knew immediately that the insight came from her husband.
No man is a custodian of ALL knowledge. Married couples should learn from each other. Most men by virtue of their position as heads of family often slide into the erroeneous position of believing and also displaying an attitude that they know and understand all issues more than their wives. But this is not always correct. Each party has something to learn from the other and this is part of God's plan in bringing people together in marriage - to enhance their knowledge and understanding and make them a better and improved 'ONE'.  The bible says that they were 'both naked and not ashamed' - referring to the first couple on earth. This is not just physical nakedness, but also openess in every area; expressing your ignorance and fears without being ashamed and also bringing solutions to the table without being arrogant. A marriage relationship that lacks understanding of this will not benefit from treasures hidden in the husband or in the wife. Next time, you are confused or afraid, share your fears with your wife or husband and you will be amazed the solution that can come from such openess. God bless you.

One plus One: Two become One - A great mystery

One plus One: Two become One - A great mystery: 1+1=1. The great mystery called marriage; two becoming one. At wedding two become one spiritually before God and even before man. But the o...

Two become One - A great mystery

1+1=1. The great mystery called marriage; two becoming one. At wedding two become one spiritually before God and even before man. But the oneness will have to be worked out by the couple or else they will not attain that blend that make them to have the same view and the same voice; manifesting in peace, greater love and continual joy. This principle can be compared to that of salvation. When you confess and receive Jesus as Lord and saviour, you are saved instantly. But you need to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Likewise conscious effort is required to attain oneness in marriage. Why should we take marriage for granted? We often assume that it will work out because of mutual physical attraction and love; because of the feeling we call love. But my favourite quote on love is from Joyce Meyer, 'Love is not a feeling. It can produce a feeling. Love is a decision. Love is an effort'. She went on to say that Jesus said,'love your enemies', that who ever feels like loving an enemy. I want to add that love is a sacrifice. 'For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have an everlasting life'. If love is just a feeling; who ever feels like giving up a Son to die, even if that person has 20 sons? Marriage is not for boys and girls. Bible says a man shall leave his father and mother. .....It did not say that a boy will leave his father and mother.......
I pray today that some man and some woman reading this will take the decision, make the sacrifice and put in the required effort to attain oneness in his/her marriage. Some may have to eat the humble pie asking for forgiveness so that peace can reign, but it does not matter. You will not regret it and you will be better and happier for it. GOD BLESS YOU and bless your marriage in Jesus name. Amen.

Bringing Traditions into Marriage: (My bitter leaf soup)

1+1 = 1 only in Marriage:

I was counseling with an agrieved wife. One of the problems she was having with her husband is that he wanted her to be cooking Yoruba tribe meals in the house and meanwhile she is of the Ibo tribe origin. And that in 'her place', the man eats what the woman cooks, period. She cannot stand Yoruba meals and it was  causing very intense disagreement. Fortunately my marriage was of same tribal mix of Ibo and Yoruba. So I shared my 'bitter leaf soup' experience with her. Just like I wrote in an earlier write up, marriage involves sacrifice from both parties and most times one person makes more sacrifices than the other or it could be equal sacrifice.
Bitter leaf was and still is my favorite soup. But my husband could not stand it because his first taste of the soup was horrible and he felt that all bitter leaf soups tasted the same way. So we reached a compromise and we made okro soup and Egusi soup the Ibo way, which he did not mind at all. I must thank God for my sisters. They are marvelous people and I appreciate them as we celebrate our 15 years of marriage anniversary. When My sister aunty uche heard that he does not like bitter leaf soup; especially the reason he did not like it (bitterness), she giggled. It was very funny to her. Then she would always invite me over to her house each time she makes bitter leaf soup, announcing that she had made my favorite soup. My office was very close to her house so I would walk down at lunch to have my cherished bitter leaf soup. This happened for several years after our marriage. I also want to thank God for Pastor Vera who lived next compound to mine early in marriage and without a word to her, would from time to time bring me bitter leaf soup. Very delicious. Then without a word to my Landlady, she started sending heaven made bitter leaf soup (filled with ''obstacles'') to my house - sister Chidi; we are 15years. Thank you for all your inputs. All were positive inputs. You are a friend indeed. Came a certain day, we visited my eldest sister and my husband ate bitterleaf soup in her house because he would not pick and choose food. He ate it out of respect. He now discovered that he just ate the badly cooked one the first time he tasted it. To cut this short, bitter leaf soup is now one of his favorite meals. We won that trial triumphantly plus I experienced the provision of God as it relates to the most minute sacrifice.. I must not forget my good friend - Ebere Nwachukwu, who invites us all the way to her house to come have a feast of bitterleaf soup. Today, my husband sometimes reminds me to make bitter leaf soup. The Lady I was counseling with was very quiet after she heard my experience. Let us not bring the way it is done ''in my place'' into marriage. work out a compromise; except of course if that ''way'' is God's way.See more